My brain is on strike.

Alright, so I made it alive through the week of insanity that was midterms. I stayed up until 3 for a week and a half, pounded out several essays within a matter of days, crammed for Geology, and read Much Ado About Nothing twice and all the notes that went along with it, and my brain held true. It got a little toasty on the edges, but gave me a 94% on my Geology exam and full marks on Shakespeare essay and... I don't know how I did on my Sociology crap yet, but I also honestly don't much care.

And now here I am. I still have work to do. And my brain is saying NO. Friday and Saturday I did absolutely nothing. I just... couldn't. I tried to concentrate but I was like a four year old on acid. You could have distracted me with pretty much anything. (And people did.) Sunday was mother's day, and I didn't start doing my Shakespeare, which was due by midnight, until about 9... so I read acts 1 and 2 of Macbeth, answered the short-essay questions, and did the discussion, and finished with 10 minutes to spare.

And now it's 11:00 at night, and I'm halfway done with my sociology, and... it's not happening. I'll work a bit, then do some research on Whitman. Then I'll work a bit more, then I'll look up prices on laptops. Then I'll work a bit, and stare at Facebook for a bit and wait for something interesting to happen. Then I'll look at the next question, not do any work at all, and look at Whitman again.

And now I'm here.

I'd call it burnout, but I don't FEEL burnt out.

Maybe I just really dislike this Sociology class.

I'm pretty sure that's it.

Come on, Brain. We're almost there!

I definitely start my new job tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited.


I think.

MAKE IT GO AWAY. The sociology, I mean. How can a class this ridiculous have this much busywork? I deem this lame.

So I was browsing the automotive section at work, doing the whole security thing, when a loose air freshener caught my eye. Not that an air freshener out if its box sets off huge alarms for me, but one, it COULD be an issue that a Target Protection Specialist needs to respond to (what if the Russian Mafia was going on a huge air freshener theft? This could be a VITAL CLUE!), and two, I'm a smidge OCD over all the wrong things (like staples and store appearance, apparently) and spend time making the store look pretty when I don't think anybody's looking. So I picked up the air freshener, found the box, and spent a bit of time getting them reacquainted.

Anyway, this particular air freshener is a gel variety, with little jelly balls of scent floating in some chemical or another, and it says on the box under the directions for use (this is apparently a very complicated air freshener), "Not for personal consumption."

This got me thinking, which as most of you know, is rarely a good thing. Even setting aside the fact that there's a disclaimer announcing that, actually, you're not meant to eat your air freshener, it's phrased, "not for personal consumption."

Not for personal consumption.

So, what, you should just feed it to other people? Buy our air freshener! Don't eat it yourself, but it's a great snack for the kids when they're peckish in the car...


I happened to wiki Sellotape today. It was highly informative, I suppose, though the definition boils down to the fact that it's the Scotch tape of the UK, which I already knew. Anyway, at the bottom of the page, it reads,

"Items that do not stick to Sellotape:
*Toast
*Crude Oil"

You know, sometimes I love the world I live in.

Yesterday I got sheep and fish confused. I saw sheep, but said fish... yeah. It did not bode well for the Midterm I was on my way to take.

ONE MORE SHIFT ON TARGET. I'm sure this will get a post of its own later, but now I'm far too lazy.

You know, a week of staying up until 2 or 3 gets to be habit forming. I have to get up at 9 tomorrow. I really ought to go to bed.

Oh, wait. GUYS GUYS GUYS! My Shakespeare essay TOTALLY doesn't suck. Okay, so I had to rewrite the conclusion, because clearly my brain had taken a leave of absence, but now it's BETTER and I'm actually quite pleased with it, which is... unusual.

Now I just have to go back to my Sociology one and make it coherent. The instructor pushed back the due date without telling us, so I get an extra day to make it stop sucking! Neat!

You don't take your shower until nearly midnight, and even then you consider it a personal reward.

...

yeah.

Okay, guys, I PROMISE personal hygiene will top coursework on my list of priorities again by Wednesday. PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE.

But dang, that was one spectacular shower. I feel great. Bring on the Shakespeare!

I'm 957 words in, and I'm only just getting to my second point.

...This is not going to be a balanced essay.

And for the record:
"The approximate length requirement is around 1500 words."

At least I don't have to worry about that.

I really don't know why I feel compelled to share all this with you. I guess I find it a nice way to vent and not worry about it as I write the actual essay.

My word count is 666, guys.

Devil essay! Devil essay!

I like how I just assume you all care and keep you updated with the little details of my midterm.

This is looking to be a loooong essay. I think I'm going to have to cut out one of my main supports to keep it to a manageable length. I don't need four, anyway. Three should do.

This is not coming along quickly.

On the other hand, I actually quite like what I do have, which is so unusual I suspect that it's utter crap and I'm actually delirious.


"And one has to ask, if Benedick and Beatrice despise each other so soundly, how can it be that it takes nothing more than a few choice words informing them that the other is in love to make each character suddenly decide that perhaps the object of their disdain is not quite as bad as they had originally thought?"

Dang, I'm wordy, guys. Journalism SO not for me.

Discarded beginning to my Shakespeare midterm essay:

"Arguably, Shakespeare is most well known and loved for his mastery over words. He took his vast vocabulary and made it do whatever he pleased. Words were Shakespeare’s bitches."

*Sigh*

So, doing sociology, and I'm referencing things in my textbook, when one of the yellow 'Thinking Sociologically' boxes happens to catch my eye. These are scattered throughout the text with exciting outside-of-class activities that you can do in your own time to SEE SOCIOLOGY IN ACTION. Anyway, this one said:
"Identify a norm* that you commonly observe. Construct an experiment in which you, perhaps with the assistance of others, violate the norm. Record how others react and note the sanctions engaged through this norm violation exercise.
NOTE: Be careful not to do anything that puts you in danger or causes serious problems for others."

*Vocab word, guys! Ooooh.

Oh, Sociology. You make me giggle.

OH! OH OH OH! I was working on another sociology thing last night, and at the top of the page before the actual assignment it had a review section. It started out, "There are four steps in the resocialization process. The first step is..." and then it went on to line them out. I broadly ignore the review section because, well, it's redundant. I KNOW it.

But then!

I got to question 5. "List the four steps of the resocialization process."
YOU ARE KIDDING ME. THE ANSWER IS WRITTEN ON THE TOP OF THE PAGE. Of course, I also had to cite examples from the article we'd had to read, as well, but STILL.

This made me laugh so much Dave got a message from me at 2 in the morning.

Alright, back to the sociology.

Oh, and my Shakespeare essay asks me to define Shakespeare's definition of love in Much Ado About Nothing. But... there's so many different kinds of love in that play! It's going to be a loooong essay.

It's SUNNY. I want to go OUTSIDE.

In other news, Track 23 (This is Gallifrey: Our Childhood, Our Home) of the Doctor Who series 3 soundtrack is one of the most beautiful songs in the world. When I listen to it in my room I usually have to just sit on my bed, hug my sheep, and miss England and everyone in it.

EDIT:
Alright, so I went back to my Sociology and was looking for more information on the methods of social control, so I flipped back to the index. According to the index, agents of social control are discussed on page 178, and on pages 594-595. I had just read 178, so I flipped towards the back of the book.... The text stops at page 389. The next page is the glossary, which heralds page 639.

Lamesauce.

Wise words from the woman I offered my arm to as she struggled to get from Target's wheelchair to her car parked outside.

So, I'm a little humbled to learn that a few people at Target are actually quite upset that I am leaving. A lot of people expressed their sadness to see me go, and most people understood and congratulated me, and two people actually teared up.

And then there are the Starbucks girls. One of them is a sweetheart that I've known for about two years, the other is a spunky lesbian that seems to be eagerly waiting for me to discover I'm bisexual. They're both great fun, and on their last shift with me, they wrote me a poem.

Um. It's... um... Special. And not quite work appropriate. This did not stop them from reading it aloud to me at the front of the store while I tried to smile at entering guests and not, say, recoil in horror.

I've been debating whether I should put it up or not, and have decided, what the heck. It does manage to hit on most of our inside jokes.

Jackie, oh Jackie,
We love you so much
You're stacked to the nines
Oh please let us touch!

We're so sad you're leaving us,
Our hair-braided friend*
We will however cherish
The time we will spend**

A woman in uniform
Is a woman for sure
And glasses so sexy
Even British boys stir***

We've been bad, bad girls
So pull out your cuffs****
Be careful! Or we might
Touch your stuff

I've never heard
A girl hiccup so loud
Don't be embarrassed!
You stand out in a crowd!

Your beautiful singing will
Catch someone's eye
The world is your oyster
Because you are bi*****

This, dear Jackie,
Is our present to you
Even though you're peacing out-
WE STILL LOVE YOU!!


*I wore my hair in a braid, and for some reason the Starbucks girls really liked it.

**This doesn't make much in the way of grammatical sense, but I'll let it slide. I THINK I know what she meant.

***They've heard about Dave, and have decided he's probably going to come galloping into Target on a white horse, sweep me off my feet, then carry me off to his castle in England, where we would live happily ever after, with, I imagine, lots of forest animal friends. I pointed out this would be kidnapping. They didn't care.

****It's pretty easy to tell which lines the lesbian girl wrote.

******Yup. She's reeeaaaaally waiting for me to turn lesbian. (A quote from the day before: "What shall we toast to?" "Jackie's latent bisexuality!")


Alright, I'm going to go conquer my Shakespeare and Sociology now.

Okay, I need to stop taking myself so seriously.

Worse case scenario: I get a C in a class. I know I won't let myself do poorly enough to not pass. The very worst that can happen is I might get a C.

This seemed unthinkable and dramatic and horrible to me, because for a long time I pinned my worth on my academic abilities. That's how I got through middle and high school.

But honestly, if I don't do as well as I usually do... so what?

I'm done stressing. I will continue to work really hard to try to meet all my deadlines and do as well as I can. But if I don't, well, then, I don't.

I'm snapped out of it. Whiny LJ posts about coursework should take a downturn from here on out. (We hope.)

Wait just a minute, life. Just hold it right there.

This was going to be the term I got things sorted out, remember? I would have BALANCE. I would have less stress. I would be organized and on the ball.

So if you could kindly SLOW DOWN A MINUTE and let me CATCH UP, I'm sure that you, me, my social life, work, and my coursework can all get along amiably.

BTW, I have established that, yes, actually, 90% of my social life IS online, via Facebook wallk posts and LJ and MSN. And the 10% that ISN'T is when I see my sister every few weeks, and the people I see in lectures, which I count as socialization. Oh! And I'm supposed to have coffee with Jordan... um... today. Oops. Today's kinda... over.

In other news, I got an extension on one of my Sociology essays, so it's not due until Tuesday. Unfortunately, another Sociology paper is ALSO due Tuesday. 4/5 of my Journal entries are done (including my Cultural Profile essay). I have a loooooot of work to do for Shakespeare, plus the midterm essay on the play I haven't finished reading is due next Tuesday. On the bright side, I only have one actual midterm exam, but that's Monday.

So: 3 essays due Tuesday, none of which I've started. One Midterm on Monday. ...Friday is my only day off work.

I am soooooo screwed, guys.

I feel like I've been slacking, and that's why I'm so behind, but I honestly really HAVEN'T, which is... weird. I mean, even this entry is a break after about four straight hours of work, excepting occasional two minute Facebook deviations, and I have gotten a lot done. Have I worked at every available moment these past two weeks? No. I spent a lot of time with Tanja when she was upset. I saw my sister. But besides that, I've been pretty good about getting things done. I'm just not doing it fast enough. I've been trying to take better care of myself because I stress too much, and while I'm not struggling with depression as much as I did the last time I took classes, I'm also further behind.

I honestly can't believe this term. The workload blows my mind. I have never, ever had this much coursework to do, guys. Or at least, never this much time consuming coursework.

...

I may not go to work on Sunday. In fact, I'm pretty sure I won't.

What's Target going to do? Fire me?

Alright, I've learned something: I simply cannot take my Sociology class seriously. The work? Yes. The issues we cover? Yes. The class as a whole? ... No.

I take my education very seriously, and I'm a very diligent note-taker. I write down EVERYTHING. On Tuesday, the 22nd of April, 2008, this is EVERYTHING I wrote down during the two hour lecture:

"Sociology, 4.22.08

Socialization

'Going to school, going to college, getting married, retiring, traveling... All these are different from going to jail.'
-Niki Toussiant [my instructor]"

Those are all the notes I have for the ENTIRE LECTURE.

I get the best quotes from that class, though. Not only in my instructor insane (which makes the lectures very enjoyable, actually), I have it with John, whose cynicism and snarky comments make everything hilarious.

A few other excerpts of quotes that I've scribbled into the margins:

Toussiant: How many?
John: Banana!
Me: [stares]
John: ...Banana should be a number. Somewhere between 3 and 85.

Toussiant: So the value would be competency.
John: [muttering to himself, clutching his pencil] Competence. The word you're going for is COMPETENCE.

Toussiant: If a girl goes into a corporate environment wearing a tiny little mini skirt and a blouse cut down to here for a job interview, she probably won't be taken very seriously, right?
John: Might still get the job, though.

Ah, every class an adventure.

Toussiant really is crazy, though. She forgot my name the other day and called me 'Miss Hiccup.' She also wears leopard print blouses, which would be interesting if it were every once in a while, but it happens just about every other class which is... unsettling. And her rants! Her rants! Delightfully disjointed. She has the habit of trailing off mid sentence and starting a completely different one, so following her is like following a one-legged rabbit through the brush in the middle of a twisty dark wood, and you're only able to stay on the trail because it keeps hopping in circles.

But she gave me a week's extension on one of my papers, which is FANTASTIC. She's really nice, just... scattered. She's probably a lot of fun drunk.

So, I saw my boss for the first time today since leaving my letter of resignation for him. I still half expect him to turn into Schultz and stake me, but his entire response was,

"Hey, that's two weeks before MY two weeks! My last day is the 29th! How cool is that?" And when he asked where I was going instead, he said in a voice heavy with sarcasm, "What? You're going to leave all THIS for BMW?"

Angel is cool. You know, if would have stayed as my boss, I probably wouldn't have minded staying a bit longer.

Oh! Word STILL trickles through Target about how much of a bastard my old boss was. Today I learned that during GSTL Josh's Orientation, Schultz kept saying things like, "Alright, so, I'm supposed to ask you all questions now... but I'm leaving in two weeks, and don't actually give a f***." And tidbits like, "Does anybody care what that guy in the picture was wearing? Because I sure as hell don't."

And then the next day he was gone. He peed on the floor of the office just before he left, by the way, did I mention that on here? We had to have the carpet replaced. It REEKED. Dear lord, he was such a child. How did I put up with him for a year and a half?

I still have nightmares that he's come back to Target to be my boss again. I think there's something wrong in being that scarred by one's boss. Thank goodness I should never, ever see him again.

This is much longer than intended. I go to bed now.

So I'm being a good student, doing my homework, all that jazz, and I'm re-reading passages of Much Ado About Nothing for my Shakespeare assignment, and one of the notes catches my eye.

The text:
Beatrice
With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the world, if a could get her good will.

The note:
13-14 money...purse: The words probably carry sexual innuendo ('money' = semen).

Thanks, Oxford University Press. Thanks.


Edit: This, coupled with the title of my previous post, is especially awkward.

Alright, it's generally known that I'm broke. After losing 30 hours at work during the musical/school transition, my paychecks have been kind of lean, and I'd been making big payments on school and bills. So it was with a pretty dismal disposition I signed on to check my balance.

Yesterday it would have been painful; about $75. But TODAY. OH TODAY. Payday + Tax returns spontaneously appearing in my bank account makes ONE HAPPY JACKIE. I have MONEY, guys.

A third of it dutifully went into savings, over a third went to clearing out my school bill (YAY), and I'm pondering what to do with the rest. It will most likely go into savings for my Jackie Wants To Go Back to England/Jackie Has More Terms of School Coming Up funds, but part of me is seriously considering splurging and finally getting a laptop.

Because it would be SO NICE.

But then, I also have dreams of something resembling a car.

This will take much consideration.

I shall expand on this later... maybe. I intend to, but just might not.

I have typed up my letter of resignation and am turning it in to Target tomorrow. Soon I shall be kissing my uniform goodbye (to Dave's disappointment :P) and will be working as a file clerk for BMW.

It's a pay cut but it's noticeably above minimum wage, and I'll get good hours and insurance, and I'll have lots of room to move up and around, which is something I can never hope for at Target.

And the likelihood of me getting punched in the face again has dropped considerably, which I suppose is a plus.

YAY NEW JOB, GUYS!

I found this video today. It's powerful, and, until you get to the end, disturbing. But then at the end, I somehow 'got it.'



I mean, usually when someone wants to start "debating" the Iraq war, I run the other way, but this video is very poignant. I probably won't comment on the war or politics again, unless something drastic happens, but I wanted to share this.

However you feel about the war, you can't forget the effect it's having.



New Job stories when my Shakespeare is done.

Swiped from Melody, because she's pretty.


My Personality

Neuroticism	27
Extraversion	86
Openness to Experience	47
Agreeableness	71
Conscientiousness	71

You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. You like crowds but sometimes feel overwhelmed by them. Sometimes you feel like you need some privacy and time for yourself. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice, however you feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You have strong will-power and are able to overcome your reluctance to begin tasks. You are able to stay on track despite distractions.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. The best Buying Pet Gifts.

This was actually pretty accurate, except for the 'rarely get depressed' bit.

This week has been something of a battle, which is really annoying in that I woke up this morning in a "WTF, it's THURSDAY?" sort of mood. I missed most the battle.

Monday was when everything attacked and I had no time, Tuesday I paid for it by going to class then getting sick and sleeping. Wednesday I began to grasp how behind I was and tried to catch up, discovered I somehow have a solid 'A' in Geology (HOW DID I DO SO WELL ON THOSE LABS AND QUIZZES? HOW?!), and then today I got an Email from my Shakespeare teacher informing me that hey, one of my assignments is four days overdue, did I try to send it?

I responded with:
"Snapple. No, I didn't try to send it- I just spaced it completely. I have no excuse- I'll send it to you as soon as I can. SO sorry!

-Jackie"

She responded with no condemnations or comments on how this will affect my lovely 'A' in the class, simply:
"Oh, I think using snapple as an expletive is brilliant. I will add it to my lexicon!

Angie."

I love my online teacher. :D

I had to walk a half mile in my dance outfit in the rain.

I had a surprise second job interview.

I traveled half an hour to take a Geology quiz and hand in an assignment, was there for 10 minutes, then left before the class even started and missed the entire thing because of my musical.

It was closing night of Les Miserables.

I just found out the fantastic boy I'm completely smitten with has gone from being in England to being on a plane to Colorado... And I STILL won't get to see him.

And to top it all of... I AM STUCK IN A FORMAL GOWN. Like, literally. STUCK.

I'm tired. And I'm going to bed.

In a dress.

D:

As I said to Dave, I am a great big ball of ridiculous.

Quote of the Day:
Little sister: Where are you going?
Me: Les Mis.
Little sister: Oh. ...Are you in it?