First, a note: I have been working on this post as I had the time for ages now.  This was some time ago, but...  ah well.  It wasn't last week, is all.  Anyway, moving on.

Last week was an awesome week.  Ridiculously awesome.  I don't have words for how awesome last week was.  I...  This MAY compete with England trip in levels of awesome, but I'm not sure.  I mean, there was international travel, and the weather was better, and there was a Cassi and a  Nathaniel AND a Melody AND a Tanja, but there was NO Katie, which alone is a big hit because Katies are a hard to come by commodity and the addition of a Katie to any situation makes it infinitely more awesome than said situation would have been alone.  

I digress. Let's not make it a competition, and simply announce that this week was at the very least AS AWESOME as England trip, which is saying, I'm sure you know, a freaking LOT.

( CANADA! )

"What additional resources do you need to enable you to perform your job better?"
Quite frankly, a larger file room with better lighting, its own power plugs, and a chair.  That room is incredibly claustrophobic, dimly lit, often requires a heater even in the summer because it gets the same amount of air conditioning as the whole of the parts department, and is generally unpleasant and depressing to spend any length of time in. 

I wonder if I'm overdoing it.

 "Be A Man" in French is possibly the most amazing thing I've heard in my life.

"Attaquons l'exercice!  Pour défaire..... les Huns!"  

Except of course the french don't think vowels are actually all that useful, so "les huns" sounds like "le uuuuh" and makes me giggle.

Also, "A Girl Worth Fighting For" translates to "A Beautiful Girl to Love" and "A Whole New World" has been renamed to "The Blue Dream."  A lot of the lyrics have been changed there, I think, but I'd need to see them to see exactly how much.

Also, I'm starting to enjoy accordion music, which may be an indicator that I enjoy French too much.

Oh, and the company owner has informed Amy and I that the three months of backlog in the filing needs to be gone within three days.  He's brought in three bemused and nearly useless temps in to help us.  Awesome.  Also not going to happen.  But it means I haven't had to work in the Admin office like I was afraid of--I can't BELIEVE how catty the women here can be, and the admin office is where most of them live.  I went in this morning to pick up a few things and was nearly knocked over by the overpowering smell of Girl.  SO.  MUCH.  PERFUME.

The new conditioner I'm using smells exactly like the hairspray I used about this time last year, so I'm constanltly having a mini-time warp in my head.  It's really throwing me for a loop, actually.

Trying to work on the positive thinking thing I used to be so good at.  Today I think it's going well.

ALSO.  I left my copy of The Forbidden Game with Melody so I can't cap it until I get it back.  MELODY.  I NEEDS IT BAAAACK.  

Unless you gave it back to me yesterday and I left it in your car or it fell out of my bag at home, in which case, nm, I'm a loser.  LOVE.

Anyway.  I should probably go back to work or something.  Technically I have a whole hour for lunch, but I like monies.

Today was SUNNY AND PRETTY AND I GOT TO WALK TO TARGET IN A DRESS WITHOUT A JACKET AND I ATE OUTSIDE AND IT'S FEBRUARY AND I LOVED IT.

The rest of my day was kind of lame, but sun made up for it.

Also, I've never been one for blasting music, but today, I dunno why, it feels awesome.  

So, moving on.

( The Forbidden Game, The Hunter: Chapter 4 )

 In other news, I cut my hair and, while I liked my previous style better I don't HATE it, and I got my permit again.  Also my moods have been arbirtrary and I'm deeply annoyed about it.

And so, on that note:

( The Forbidden Game: Chapter 3 )

 So, Katie sent me a book.  It's called THE FORBIDDEN GAME and, according to her is actually *worse* than Twilight.

I am expected to READ this.

And so, for her benefit, and yours, I guess, I shall share my reading process WITH YOU.

...  *cries*

( The Forbidden Game- Chapter 1 )

I have the best freaking friends in the WORLD.  It's like awesome people are somehow inconcievably attracted to me, and now I have a posse of OSSUM that together makes a POSSUM yeahiwentthere and they just HANG AROUND ME ALL THE TIME and make everything a bazillion times more awesome than it would be without them.

Melody and Katie and Tanja and Nathaniel, even if the last two of you don't read this, you guys are the most amazing people in the world, and the rest of the universe is jealous of us.

You guys make my life amazing.  The end.

It's very hard to write convincing scholarship applications when your self esteem has tanked.  The reason I'm applying to this school is, in addition to the fact that going to school with Tanja and Nathaniel would be awesome, essentially because I've failed at everything else I've tried to do since I graduated high school.  (UO? No, PCC.  Hokay, um, Schools in England?  Lolz no.  Right, Whitman!  HAHAHAHAno.)  SAD DAY.  And I know it's just God saying, 'no honey, you need to go THIS way, no, no, THIS way... THIS WAY,' and I'm just chasing after shiny things, but it still doesn't make me feel good when I look at the 'goals achieved' section of the scholarship process.  MY LIFE IS BUILT OF FAIL.  *drama llama*

This frame of mind wasn't helped by the notification that I wasn't called back to be in the show I've been dying to get into for nearly a year, making it the first audition I've ever done where I wasn't called back, but then, my audtion really,  -really- sucked and I'm actually still quite embarrassed about it.  This ruins my one-show-per-year dealio, unless I manage to get into a summer show, and with this careful balance broken, I wonder if I'll ever actually make the time to do a show again.

My depressing mindset also probably wasn't much helped by having the 'omg cancer your mom's dead now' dream I had last night that made me wake up on the verge of tears, even though the cancer's gone, followed by work, where I'm left to my own devices, which has been established is a BAD IDEA because if I'm down I spend all my time dwelling on my flaws and what life would be like if my mom actually WERE dead.  High five, me.

I actually just high-fived myself there.  Oh, ME.

And while I'm here, I would like to take this moment to give massive public hugs both to kasdie  and hobbit_eyes , because they are AWESOME PEOPLE who will do AWESOME THINGS and I'm incredibly lucky to have them in my life.  **HUGS**

And kasdie , if I get this emo when I'm stressed after a -reasonable- amount of sleep, I really can't fathom what you're like at four in the morning when you're about three times as stressed as I am, doing homework and posting pictures of you and your boy on facebook.  >.<   I love you, don't forget to have a life?  **HUGS**



UPDATE:
Purchased: 1 cup pineapple and 1 bottle blackberry currant SOBE.
Mindset: Some improvement.

UPDATE #2:
Viewed: Chris Dane Owen's video Shine On Me (http://chrisdaneowens.com/video/shine_flash.html)
Mindset: Considerably improved.  =D

I had an unfortunate encounter with a staple and typing is really weird with a bulky fingertip bandage on your middle finger.

I put too much hot sauce in my tomato soup.  (I didn't even know people put hot sauce IN tomato soup before today!) :O  I am tired and my tongue is burny.  But not in a bad way.

I've barely spent the night at my own house at all this week.  I'm half-moved in with Melody and Nathaniel in the midst of studying and OSU applications.  Que ridiculo!

It snowed on Tuesday and my bus got stuck on a hill on the way to school and we nearly took out a BMW and ended up nearly flipping into a ditch and in the end wound up blocking much of the road.  I took the company of a few random people and we walked back to Tigard in the snow.  It's a good thing they knew where they were going, because I was hopelessly lost.  Also, I was wearing my slip-on flats, which are not good snow shoes.  My feet were in agony by the time I got home (3 hours after I had left) and the only reason I knew I wasn't in danger of frostbite was because every now and then a fresh chunk of snow would slip in under my foot and I learned my feet could be EVEN COLDER.  Even so, the tips of my toes were blue when I finally got home.  It was not very fun.

But hanging out with Melody and Nathaniel and Tanja IS fun, and I've been doing that a lot.  Even if all we do is stay up until 5:30 in the morning homework.  Or pretend we're going to do homework and watch Top Gear instead.  

I'm excited for monday.

Life is still weird.

I want a sleep day.  But not as badly as Melody does.

 EVERYONE IN THE WORLD NEEDS TO WATCH THIS.

http://chrisdaneowens.com/video/shine_flash.html


IT WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE MUCH, MUCH BETTER






OR MUCH MUCH WORSE



(AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE WATCHING THAT, YOU CAN READ THIS: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2008/12/an-internet-sta.html)

Life is so, so, so weird.  My head is filled with buzzy, scribbly thoughts that aren't doing a lot for my need to get homework done.  Rational thought doesn't seem to be working.  Not that I was ever very good at it to begin with.

Also weird: My spam box.

"Any women will jump into the abyss for a man that wears a Submariner SS watch. "

Who told the internet that I have a watch fetish?!

Audition tomorrow.  Quietly panicking.  Less panicky than I was before, though, and crazy high note has been removed from the picture, which will make me NOT SUCK.  (as much?)

I dropped Sociology and feel lazy for doing it, even though I know that it was a sensible idea and that keeping it would have caused a lot of undue work and stress.

Ahahahaha, life.  You so crazy.

MY MOM IS CANCER FREE!  I screamed about it on Facebook last week, but, just in case someone missed the memo.  ^^  A few more months and all this cancer crap will be over with.

EDIT:  Upon re-reading this post, it sounds depressing and emo.  I AM NOT DEPRESSED AND EMO.  Life is pretty awesome, actually.  Just... confusing and busy.  

 Hey, guys?

I'm WEIRD.

Just in case you hadn't noticed.

Mom's been out of surgery for about four or five hours.  I've been here since 10.  Mom's asleep at last after a lot of drugs.  Dad's asleep on the chair next to her, mouth just open.  There aren't any more chairs, so I'm sitting on the floor in the corner by the window where I can see them both.

Melody and Nathaniel and Tanja all came by with flowers and a balloon, and hugs that I needed more than I expected.  

I'm out of homework.  Except for Sociology, but I left that at home, and I have until Sunday, anyway.

Grah.  Every time mom's sick I want to be sick too, which is a mark of queasiness that I didn't use to have.

The depressing mood lighting is terrible.  It's horribly foggy; all we've been able to see all day out the window up here on the 8th floor is fog with bits of hill sticking out of it.  Now that it's getting dark it's the perfect setting for some murder mystery.  Not much I can do about it, except turn on the light, but that wouldn't be fair to the sleeping parents.

I stamp the entire situation with a great big red 'NOT COOL.'

Spending all day with Melody, Nathaniel, and Alexe: =)  =)  =)  =)  =)

 Pastinis: =D =D =D

Blanket:  =)

Amazing thigh-high cozy socks from Melody:  =)  =)

Candles: =)

Sociology: =( =( =(

Mom's surgery tomorrow: =(  =(  =(  =(  =( =( with a side of D=

I'm sleepy.

I look a lot like my grandmother.   Grandma Magahay, I mean.  No one's ever told me that before, but I saw a picture of her today when she was in her early twenties for the first time and was surprised by the resemblence.  I wish I'd had the opportunity to know her.

 Yesterday was weird, guys.

I don't miss it.

Also, I woke up this morning with a swollen upper lip.  It is burny.  A super paranoid part of my youth is afraid I was bitten by a spider in my sleep, which would mean I'd had a SPIDER on my FACE.  But as Becky cheerfully pointed out, the fact that I still have a face means it was not one of the zillion giant and horrible spiders from South America, so I should be alright.

 Today has been a magnificently bad day.

I'm exhausted but I can't sleep.

I both want to talk to someone and don't have the energy, and the people I can talk to either aren't around or have problems of their own that make me seem whiny.   Which I guess I am.

I hate being angry.  And I'm even more angry with what I'm angry about.  Why can't I just get OVER it, already?!

Mph.  Headache.  But last night was awesome, so I guess I can stand a little headache.  Tanja and I went to Mongolian Grill, where I surprised her with a Jake Adderley!  We were joined by a Matt and a Nathaniel, then we all went downtown with the intention of going glow-in-the-dark pirate mini golfing, but found time was too short and instead ended up going to the last show of the Musical Altar Boyz, starring Connor from high school and Matt from Les Miserables.  

Okay, honestly, I would have never in a thousand years dreamed of inviting Nathaniel and Matt and Jake to this musical, and the fact that they were all going with me made me nervous.  I half expected them to turn to me after the show raining judgement and disdain for endorsing something so ridiculous, but to my relief they all seemed to actually really like it and laughed a lot.  I got pulled onstage by Connor and was seranaded (I got crunk) and got to flirt with Matt behind Connor's back, and they read Tanja and Nathaniel's "confession" aloud.  (They steal batteries from the remotes when they visit people).  I'm really glad that the others had fun.  Of course, then there was the half mile trek down the icy streets back to the max stop, where we got stuck for 20 minutes and a car drove by and threw a huge cup of ice water at Tanja and hit her smack in the hip.  The water that spilled on the pavement froze solid pretty quickly, and the boys lamented that there hadn't been a red light so they couldn't shank the bastards' tires.

But still.  Headache.  I've been getting them pretty frequently, but this one is particularly bothersome.  I'm sure staring at this screen is doing wonders for it, but.... eh.  

I'm still stuck on the fact that a year ago I was in England.  Yesterday a year ago we were supposed to have gone swimming and had a movie night with a bunch of people from new years, but we got snowed in.  We played Lego Star Wars instead, and Frustration, where Becky, Katie and I showed each other no mercy.   It's actually really stupid how big of an impact that trip had on me, and I wish so badly that I knew when I was going back.  And I'm really really really glad that Katie keeps coming to visit me, but I kind of want an opportunity to get away and go there.  Stupid money.

Last night I dreamed I was killing zombies (probably because Matt, Nathaniel, and Jake were all talking video games), and part of me wonders if this headache is the zombies trying to get revenge for me bashing all their heads in with a baseball bat.

Also, at one point Edward Cullen was mixed in with the zombies.  We tried to kill him, too.  It didn't work.

Okay, mini girl rant here.  boobs?  Yeah. Growing.  again.  I'm running out of wardrobe; shirts that used to be perfectly decent now reveal a lot of cleavage and I look kind of like a skank.  I find myself pulling a frequent Tanjas by having to pull up my camis and rearrange my shirts.  I'm at an unfortunate financial position and can't really afford to buy new clothes or bras even though I'm at a point where I -really- need to.  I am DISPLEASED.  

Okay, done now, sorry.  I just had to get that off my chest.

...

*facepalm*

Swingdance tonight!  I'm sad because I won't have a Melody; this will be my first time without her!  But I WILL have a Tanja and her boyfriend and a Jake and a Nathaniel, and perhaps a Matt.  I have decided I shall wear a DRESS.  It shall be COLD but WORTH IT.  :D

Classes start this week.  Hope they don't suck.

Right.  I'm going to see what I can do about this headache business.

A new year.  A month or so long era of scribbled out dates clumsily corrected with an 09 tag instead of 08.

As is tradition for me, the first bit of the first post of each month of 2008, perhaps followed by some actual insightful (or not) musings if I can be bothered.

( My year according to LiveJournal ) 


So there you have it.  2008.  The beginning and end were pretty awesome, but there was a five month period that kind of sucked a lot.  It beats 2007, though, no contest.  I guess my only goal for 2009 is to be more flexible, go to England if I can manage it, and not have a period of depression.  I SUCK when I'm depressed.

Aaaaand now it's 10:30, I need to get up at 8, and I want food and if I stay here much longer I'll just fall back on my Christmas chocolate, which would be a BAD MOVE.

Happy new year!

I was snowed in at Melody and Nathaniel's for three days, and it was AWESOME.  Though I was incredibly accident prone; I've got that burn on my right hand, of course, which went from white and sensationless to yellowish red and very tender, which is not cool.  I've got a scratch on the same hand from misadventures in trying to wake up Melody, and a cut on my left arm from falling though the ice (which I did repeatedly), and a bruise a little larger than my cellphone on my left leg in an unfortunate (YET AWESOME) sledding incident.  In short, it was the best three days I've had in a very long time.  Lots of movies, and I still have that song from Tap Tap Revenge stuck in my head 'cause Nathaniel and I played it two or three times and it's ANNOYINGLY CATCHY.  I don't even know the words!

ANYWAY.  It's 3:30 in the morning.  I HATE BASEMENT COMPUTER.  Between finals, the ice storm, and my general incompetence, I didn't start compiling the images for mom's present until today.  It's about as last minute as it gets, and BASEMENT COMPUTER IS SLOW AND TERRIBLE and it took hours and hours to pull everything together.

I came on here to rant about things, but I got distracted by talking about happy things like SNOW.

I think I'm done.  I'm going to bed.  Mmmmm bed.

I'm going to work tomorrow.  Suck.

HI GUUUUYS.  I am presently effectively snowed in at Melody and Nathaniel's house without a Melody or a Nathaniel, which is... interesting.  They're parents don't seem to mind me; I helped their mom fold laundry, at least, so I feel less like a leech, even though that's exactly what I am.  But being snowed in at a friend's house is more fun than being snowed in at home with a little sister.  Tee hee?  Mel and Nat should get here in, oh, three ish hours?  Good times.

Um.  Today's been mostly full of cons.  I woke up and got out of the house late, which doesn't really matter on snowy days like these, but it's the principle.  It was a lot windier today than it was the last few times, which of course made it much colder.   Walked aaaall the way from my house to the transit center, which took 20-25 minutes, and noticed with some dismay that the ankle I sprained a few months ago was feeling exactly the way it did right before I was on crutches, which was daunting especially as I had a lot of walking in my immediate future.  Caught the max to the Beaverton Transit Center, where I was informed it would be another 45 minutes until the bus I needed would get there, so I opted to walk it to work, which both sucked and took another 20ish minutes.  I stopped at a Starbucks for a peppermint Mocha, ordered a tall and got a Grande, which was pretty awesome, but it was still cold by the time I got to work.  I also got hit on by the smarmy guy at the gas station again.  Finally made it into work, where I was greeted with stunned looks by the four sales managers in the empty sales floor.  It had taken me nearly an hour and a half to get to work, it was eleven o'clock, and I was informed by Alex, the sole tech that came in, that the entire dealership would be closing in an hour.  THAT WALK WAS SO NOT WORTH NINE DOLLARS IN PAY.  Five, once you take out the $4 I paid in trimet tickets.  Though I actually managed to work nearly two hours because I opted to catch a ride with the closers, who didn't get out until nearly two.  So I made nearly $14!  WOO HOO.  

One jaunt on the Max later and a leetle trudge through the snow, and heeeeere I am at Melody and Nathaniel's.  This has taken me an embarassingly long time to write; I keep folding laundry and getting distracted by Facebook and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, which is what we've been watching.  I hate how much I like it.  Also, boys suck.  I think that's the moral of this.


Uuuuum de dum dum dum.  Life.  What's happened in life?  Iiiiiii got rejected by Whitman because my high school transcript got there two days late, which means.... I guess I'm going to OSU?  I... don't actually know how I feel about that. 

*******************

Hi guys.  Me again.  Well, I guess you knew that.  Yeah, it's actually the next day now; I'm that rubbish at updating.  Still snowed in at Melody and Nathaniel's; we've got about a foot of snow on the ground outside and another centimeter of ice on top of that, with another dusting of snow on top, with another film of ice from freezing rain.  Don't think I'm going to work tomorrow.  Which is YAY on one hand, :( on the other hand, because MOOOOONNNIIIEEEEES! 

Anyway.  It's been a pretty low-key day; lots of movie watching.  We made pizza, and my typing is now moderately hampered by the giant wrap on my right hand holding the aloe vera plant against the burn on my hand, which has managed to be both second and third degree.  (Did you know that ovens are HOT? Crazy, right?)

Anyway.  Right.  SERIOUS LIFE UPDATE TIME.  

Um.  Things are okay.  Which is really cool.  Mom's done with Chemo; she's going in for her mastectomy mid January, then straight into reconstructive surgery which definitely entails pretty much a balloon under the skin where her breast USED to be to stretch the skin, then they put in the implant and TATTOO A NIPPLE ON.  I NEVER WANT CANCER GUYS.  THAT'S MESSED UP.  And THEN she gets to go in for the radiation therapy, which should be jolly good fun.  So by this time next year it should be pretty much all blown over, except that she can't actually ever get a cut on her right arm because she's losing the lymph node on that side, so she'll basically have no immune system there.

FYI?  Cancer sucks.

Anyway, typing is actually quite cumbersome with this, so I'm going to sign off.  LOVE.